without you i'll be miserable at best

i loved him so entirely. there were so many times that i stayed home to talk to him, i would have given up my school for him. i would have given everything for him. if only he could have seen this. but it wouldn't have done any good.

i'm pretty sure that no man can love me to the point of being with me.

I am ripped apart. And not because I lost you, but because... if it had been me... I would have waited. I would have found out the truth. I wouldn't have given up on you... and now I realize... what an absolute waste that would have been.

"this will be the first time in a week that i'll talk to you and i can't speak, it's been three whole days since i've had sleep"

oh God

this hurts more than i knew it would. i just don't understand how he could be here for a year for me, be my best friend and my potential lover, and then when we are on the edge, on the brink of making that plunge, he decided that he couldn't come down here. its so hard to deal with. i was in love so entirely.
i never knew love before i knew him.
how did this happen?

my heart is breaking. so entirely.