I’ve had this thought for a long time now.
Knowing how wonderful your Greek experience has been, what your sorority or fraternity means to you, and what yours values in the ritual, would you have gone through hazing activities to get to where you are now?
Looking back, if you knew it would be as good as it is, would you have accepted hazing to have the experience you have, and to live the ritual you live?
My sorority is completely anti-hazing. Zero tolerance. You do it, you are out. But I have found myself wondering about hazing. Not considering it by any means, but wanting to know, the point in it I guess. What does it build? I understand the idea of earning those letters, but don’t we do that through our new member periods? We are held to a standard, told to come to educational meetings, and tested on the information. If you chose not to come to these meetings you forfeit the rights of being initiated. If you don’t pass the test you do not get to be initiated. These are things that every initiated member had to do, therefore they earned their place in initiation. They earned those letters. If you do not hold yourself to the standards of membership your organization has, or violate national policies, you lose the rights to wear those letters, have your membership terminated, and are forced to forfeit the paraphernalia sporting the letters and terminology. These are things each organization values and only those who are true to the organization should own. Each organization is alike in many ways, but each has their own traditions and rituals that make them unique. An experience in my sorority may be worlds different of another on campus. It is the people that make the experience different and the ritual and values that make it an incredible experience. But knowing how incredible your experience is, how beautiful and touching your ritual and how dear your values, would you have accepted hazing to get there?
I think about this a lot. Probably more then I should, probably a lot more then someone who wasn’t hazed. I’ve never met someone who was hazed (that I know of) but have heard the rumors and whispers, and seen a chapter disbanded because of it. I hear of the affects hazing has on individuals and organizations and know the laws that go along.
Ultimately, though I would do anything for my sisters and for the sorority I hold dear, the idea of being hazed to get to the point I am now as a member is completely dreadful. My sorority holds the values of faith, hope, love, power, and wisdom. Looking at these hazing can do nothing positive for any of these five values. Hazing does not show faith, in either a higher power or the sisters you hold dear, neither does it show hope, only except that you are hopeful it would end. Power I suppose hazing could show, but only in the negative sense of an older member who is doing the hazing has power over a younger member. Wisdom, a wise person wouldn’t stay in a sorority that hazes. That’s that. And ultimately love, which I hold dear to my heart, no part of hazing shows or can build love.
So to answer my own question, would I have accepted hazing to get to where I am now? No, because though my experience is wonderful, and the ritual is the most beautiful thing I’ve been a part of, hazing would overshadow this completely. I wouldn’t be able to look at my sisters the same way, respect them, or respect my national organization.

I want to be someone's first choice.

I would just like for once not to waste my time. Not to think that someone is going to stick around and then they leave just at the beginning. I would like to learn .. re-learn how to love, how to be dedicated, and how to have a relationship. is that so hard?

my boyfriend is cuuute :)

here lately everything is changing. i'm realizing how scared i am to grow up. i thought i was ready and now, i'm just terrified. the idea of being a graduate student in 8 short months is astounding. around me everyone is getting married or engaged. thats just not something i'm ready for any time soon. even if i was in a relationship, i'm not sure i could do that at this age. but theres also a fear that it will never happen for me. maybe its just i fear i will never open up enough to let someone else close to me. lets hope that isn't it.
"If you are going to fall in love with me, it's only fair that you know what you are falling in love with. You are falling in love with my insecurities, and my obsession with trying to figure out what everyone thinks of me. You are falling in love with my immaturity, my constant need to feel loved and appreciated, my overactive tear ducts, my internet obsession. You fall in love with my troubled past, and my hopes and dreams, and how I'm a hopeless romantic at heart. If you fall in love with me, you fall in love with my self-hate and all my imperfections and my perception that nobody could ever love me. But, you are also falling in love with the way my eyes smile when I'm with you, the way I'll text you in the mornings just telling you I hope you have a great day. You're falling in love with the occasionally humorous and/or thought provoking things I say, and the way I blush when people ask me about you. But to me, the most important thing will be that you are falling in love with me, despite me thinking that it is impossible."
I'm not sure that men realize this. this is me to the t.



i need to change some things for myself though. i need to get back to my roots, back to my passions. between all my school work and sigma i've lived a very busy life. busy as it may be its gotten dull. i used to be passion filled. i swear i'm going to have a day to myself sometime soon. i'm so sleep deprived, and maybe thats why i'm feeling this way. maybe i'm feeling like i need something more. i just don't know anymore. maybe its cause i watched a chick flick and just about cried the whole time. maybe i just need a good cry.

enoughhh whining for one lifetime. sleeeeep.